Coffee Pong: Unorthodox Christianity: "Honesty is such a lonely word..."

"Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you."

--Billy Joel

"Honesty" from the 1979 album 52nd Street

According to ChatGPT (hey, it's kinda been a fun tool to play with!)...the definition of a lie is "a deliberate false statement made by someone who knows it's untrue, with the intention to deceive others."

The key elements of a lie are:
Falsehood – The information given is not true.
Knowledge – The person knows it's not true.
Intent – There is an intention to mislead or deceive.

AI then provides examples of various types of lies. A white lie, such as saying "I love your cooking!" when you really don't, or don't want to hurt someone's feelings. A lie of omission is about leaving out important information so as to mislead...like telling your boss you finished the project, but leaving out the fact that someone else did most of the work. A lie of commission is just an outright lie, as in saying you didn't do something when you actually did.

Exaggeration is the stretching of the truth, like a tall tale ("The fish was this big!" or "I've told you a thousand times..."). There's also minimization, such as saying something isn't such a big deal when it actually is (gaslighting).

Then there's bluffing, fabrication (inventing a false story or narrative), and plagiarism (claiming something as your own when it is not...let me say that I'm fully giving credit to ChatGPT for this wealth of information, lol!). I'm going to add in cheating , which is "acting dishonestly or unfairly to gain an advantage."

"What you don’t see with your eyes,

don’t witness with your mouth."

Jewish Proverb

Gossip: "Be careful, little ears, what you hear..."

AI goes on to say that, if someone says something untrue without knowing it's false or without intending to deceive, it's not technically a lie — it could be a mistake or misinformation. However, gossip can still damage reputations and livelihoods, relationships, and divide families.

I've been the subject of gossip many times. So have my children. Fortunately and most of the time, I have good friends or co-workers who will inform me of it. Sometimes it saddens or angers me, but sometimes I can (and have to) laugh and brush it off as quite entertaining. I don't know...I'm so glad I could be the subject matter of your boring life? I don't know why people gossip. People who know me, know me. They're a part of my circle(s), they know what I do and what I'm about. And people who don't know me, don't...and most of the time, don't want to even make the effort.

"Isn't it kind of silly to think

that tearing someone else down builds you up?"

— Sean Covey

I'm reminded of the story "Feathers in the Wind": "Just as you cannot retrieve the feathers once spilled, so you cannot withdraw words once spoken. No matter how sincerely you desire to undo what you have done, the harm caused by thoughtless speech cannot be rectified." In a world filled with narratives, it is difficult to sort through all the feathers and find the truth.

Remember back in the day when there were racks of tabloids at the grocery store check-out counters? The National Enquirer. The Globe, The Star, etc. A lot of folks called them 'gossip rags'. In my years as a reporter, I learned that there are not just two sides of a story; there can be many sides, and that there is a huge difference between opinion and fact. Oftentimes, it was like trying to search through all of the 'feathers' that had already fallen to the ground. When I was a reporter for the Ledger Dispatch, I remember my editor always telling me to get "quotes and photos, quotes and photos". We didn't have ChatGPT or Satchel AI back then, so a solid quote was golden, and a picture painted a thousand words.

I'm continually astounded by those who will almost religiously get sucked into and support "fake news" when the only ones benefiting from it are the people, businesses, and corporations (and politicians!) that spread it. Many just give up and are content to believe whatever. Many simply refuse to do the work to gain knowledge of the truth because they've believed the lies and half-truths for way too long. Yet others fear the truth and hide from it...but it does eventually catch up to you.

Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples:

"The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat.

So you must be careful to do everything they tell you.

But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach."

Matthew 23: 1-3

I also think that hypocrisy is a form of dishonesty.

I recently witnessed someone I knew cheating at a community event held in Riverton (this person is actually well-known in the community, and has been in the news). At this fun, family-oriented event, each child was given one card to have stamped as they completed a series of games at each table. At the end, each child could turn in their card to get a prize if their stamp card was full, indicating that they had played the games. This person I knew obtained not just one, but two cards for the child they brought. Later, I was with a friend who was standing in line, waiting to get the prize for her own grandchild, and this person happened to be standing in line in front of us. By the time we got up to get a prize, the officers had no more prizes to give out. So the person who cheated and had two cards got two prizes, and my friend's grandchild got nothing.

So...what do these actions say about the person who cheated? What do these actions teach their children? That it is okay to cheat, as long no one figures it out, and as long as you get what you want? How do you explain these actions to the child who didn't get the prize they deserved? "Life isn't fair." No, people aren't fair. Or honest.

In hindsight, I was not only angry at the actions of this person, but I was disappointed in myself that I didn't say anything (I guess I'm saying it now), and I certainly didn't want to create a scene. So this person just gets away with it? Believe me, I was stewing with that one for quite a while.

So here's my message: People are watching you. Children are watching you. You can spit-shine a public image, pat yourself on the back, call yourself a "good Christian" man or woman, and talk about all things you're doing in your community. But actions speak louder than words, and speak volumes about your character. And if you cheat and lie with the seemingly small, insignificant things...how can you be trusted with the big things?

When confronted with the truth, people can often go into denial, or get defensive of the narratives they believe, or mock and scorn those who tell the truth...or simply close their ears and refuse to hear it. People have been threatened and silenced, even with death, for telling the truth. In the Bible alone, you have Isaiah, Jeremiah, Zechariah, John the Baptist...and of course, Jesus Christ.

But the truth is the truth, whether you believe it or not, and eventually the truth does come out...when it's supposed to. And only God is in control of that timing. What goes around eventually comes around.

"If we say we love God, but hate others, we are liars. For we cannot love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love others, whom we have seen." (1 John 4:20)

But the truth hurts!

Yes, it does! But worse than a lie? It can. For instance, I had to come to grips with several truths in my own life. I used to lie to myself about how much I drank..."I've only had a few beers" when truthfully, I'd had a lot more. In an abusive relationship, I told myself, "It's my fault." When I was suicidal, I told myself, "I'm worthless". And like I wrote in my last blog, for over three decades, I wholeheartedly believed in a religion that told me I was something I was not. Yes, that hurt. That hurt a lot. Living or believing a lie or denying the truth can have huge ripple effects without even being aware that it's hurting you or others. (Matthew 7: 3-5)

But wouldn't it be better to come to grips with the truth than to just be content in believing/living a lie? Because then at least we could humble ourselves enough to start down a road towards owning up to the lies we've told and mistakes we've made, coming to grips with our vices, making things right, mending fences, building bridges, healing the hurts, and the soul finally being at peace.

Back on the subject of gossip...if you want to know the truth about someone, grow a pair and ask them! Have the courage to approach them, face-to-face, sit down, maybe have a cup of coffee or tea, and actually talk to them! What a concept. Most of all, have the courage to defend someone who is being gossiped about. "I don't want anyone in my life who can't defend me in a room I'm not in." - Unknown

Also know that being honest or truthful about yourself or to others can be a lonely place to be, but not for long. People in my circles of family and friends have come and gone. Some have betrayed my trust; others have had to experience my boundaries and earn it back. I've even had to earn trust back after lying to my own self, had to come to the realization of many hard truths. I've had to learn to apologize and correct myself if I was in the wrong, but also to carefully listen and think before just believing anything and everything. And it's hard! There's so much guck out there to swim through.

Oh yes, I've definitely learned that it can be lonely...but I'm never alone. I've taken a good look around at those who have stood by me, supported me, and love me for who I am today, not judge me based on the past, because the truth is, I don't live there anymore. And though I've had to witness unfairness and injustice, and "let go and let God", the biggest truth is...I have been blessed with so much more.

"Rain on us, Saint Honesty

Salvation is coming in the morning, but now what we need

Is a little rain on our face from you, sweet Saint Honesty."

--Sara Bareilles

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Matthew 23

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