Happy Christmas and New Year! At first, a part of me told me that looking back wasn’t something I really wanted to do. But as my 2024 Journey comes to a close, a bigger part told me that looking back on this year is a huge part of the story on my Timeline, and that I needed to share what I lost, what I learned, what I have…and what it all means.
Last Christmas was snowy and white, but certainly not a merry one. I shattered my wrist and messed up my hip and knee in a slip and fall on the ice. Then two weeks later, I fell again. A couple of weeks later, my home office flooded. While laid up with my wrist and leg elevated, I was slowly losing sight in my left eye due to double cataracts (my right eye was my “good” eye, but it, too, was failing). I loved my jobs with County 10 and the Riverton Museum, but struggling on so many levels, I started to feel myself slipping into a state of despair and depression as I was pretty much housebound…unable to drive, limping around, dealing with bouts of intense pain and tears. Sometimes the walls felt like they were closing in, and I was so focused on the things I couldn’t do that it took everything for me to muster up enough daily courage just to fight through the shock and trauma, and having to deal with the everyday challenges and obstacles of going blind was terrifying. I had also been grieving the deaths of several friends this year, which compacted my depression and at one point, I almost let that depression get the best of me.
I also had to let some people go…not just through death, but people who I felt could just no longer be a part of my Circle. Not that I would ever stop caring for them, but I also knew they were starting to drain me, my mind, my time and energy and also take me down roads that I knew would compromise my morals and integrity, and my association with them was not healthy.
Through every step of the way, God sent his angels and good Samaritans to my aid. My aunt and uncle and my daughter were so amazing and tremendously instrumental in helping me through. Several friends brought groceries and stocked my refrigerator. Since I couldn’t brush my long hair, one of my dear friends would come over and would braid it so it wouldn’t turn into dreads! LOL My awesome neighbors would shovel the snow and clear my driveway. Board members of the community groups I’m a part of would pick me up and drive me to meetings. Members of my tribe helped me in finalizing my enrollment, came over to pray with me; some did a sweat for me. Several people would just pop by to see how I was doing, brought coffee and sat down to chat for a bit. Friends from afar told me they were thinking about me and praying for me, and would check up on me, send me texts and Facebook messages that would make me laugh and lift my spirits.
Eventually, the floor was fixed in my office (oh, and my garage door was broken…did I mention what a sweet and amazing landlord I have?)...surgery for my left eye happened in July, and I could see well enough to drive. As I searched for a full-time job, my old job at EMS popped up on my radar. I was sad to have to leave the museum, but to be on my feet again and work a full-time job was a blessing after being out of work, as it got me out of the house and active again. I was also able to road trip it to Colorado for my birthday weekend!
I once was blind...
Being able to see out of my left eye was absolutely amazing; however, the cataracts in my right eye (the "good" one) were getting worse. I would get tension headaches over my left eye (which was doing most of the work) and had to take frequent breaks throughout the day.
I had surgery on my right eye on December 5, and while in recovery, tears came to my eyes as I opened them both, seeing clearly for the first time in so long! At first, it was kinda like seeing in 3D or like through a fish bowl as both eyes adjusted to working together again, but they eventually did, and best of all…no more headaches! Both of the surgeons at the John Moran Eye Center performed nothing short of a miracle.
“My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
When you see one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
- Footprints in the Sand
After my post-op appointment last week and being cleared with 20/20 in my left eye and 20/15 vision in my right…I marvel at the gift of sight every single day and will never, ever take it for granted. I can see the sunrises and sunsets again…the birds and the clouds in the sky don’t look like blobs anymore. I can see the cows and horses in the fields. The stars in the sky are magic; I can see the craters on the moon! The other day I was standing outside the station and saw a van way off in the distance on North 8th. I’m like, “Is that a FedEx truck? That’s a FedEx truck!” I can drive at night, no blur or halos around the street lights or oncoming headlights. My depth perception returned, so I could walk up and down the street and watch for the steps and curbs. I was able to drive myself to and attend my first Northern Arapaho General Council. And after being unable to see the faces of people I had met this year, I can now meet them as if for the very first time, shake their hands and truly say, “It’s so nice to see you!” LOL
When I came to my computer to write this blog, I decided to open some of the articles that I had written for County 10, and started to cry. My sight had been so bad that I had to write them in a bolded 25-pt font, with 300-power reading glasses. Yes, that’s how bad it was.
The Power of Prayer: Love Will Always be the Answer
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that this was also an election year…which was also a challenge for my Tribe as well. I’ve seen how divided people can get during election years, and sometimes the ugliness can be downright disappointing. I didn’t vote for either presidential candidate, but I did vote on the local and state issues and candidates because what and who we choose at the local and tribal levels do affect what happens in our lives and communities.
My days at the museum were absolutely fascinating. Every day was like stepping into a time machine, going back years, decades, centuries, even millions of years ago! Knowing the history of Riverton, Pavillion, Kinnear, Shoshoni, the Wind River Indian Reservation…looking at the old photos, the yellowed and crumbling newspaper articles…all the choices that each and every one of our descendants made have formed and influenced the paths of our communities and economies. Some for better, some for worse. Many have let politics, corporations and religions define the path. Others let money define it. But so many more have kept that close-knit sense of community family and step up, helping each other through the storms, droughts and economic challenges.
We have new leaders at the helm, facing so many local, national, and global issues. In the grand scheme of things, historically speaking...would our ancestors be proud of the directions we’ve taken? Would they be proud of the actions taken? Or would they be ashamed, screaming at us from the beyond, trying to warn us about the cliffs and chasms ahead? Have we complicated our lives so much that the beast is beyond our control? We have so much information at our fingertips, and technology has advanced so fast, just this last decade…yet with a history filled with a lack of transparency, opportunistic greed, hypocrisy, betrayal, alcohol, drugs, violence, etc., do we allow the noise and influence of social media drown out our innate Faith, allowing politics, religion, money, pride and clever marketing define who we are? Life is not a game of Monopoly, and deep down in our hearts and souls, we do know what is right and what is wrong. So at this point, holding anyone (much less our leaders) accountable for the sake of truth, propriety, and our futures may seem impossible.
I can only tell you from my Journey thus far (and especially this past year) that Love is and always has been the answer, and Time is the greatest Gift of all, no matter what you believe. And I will tell you right now, I never have and never will underestimate the power of Prayer. It is the most powerful communication in the entire Universe.
All things have Purpose. The Love and Prayers of those who helped and cared for me this past year…prayers for the skilled surgeons who fixed my wrist and my eyes…the Time that I had to grieve my loved ones who have passed on, Time that I’ve had to heal, Time needed to learn the lessons and heed the omens…all of these things give me Hope that we can all turn to Light, Life, Love, and Truth. History has shown us that everything is connected, so no matter who takes office in governmental seats, they need to be prayed for so that they can make the right decisions for the future of humanity.
I love my kids, my family, my friends. I love my grand-puppies! I love my life, my senses, my gifts and talents, my Creator. Time is so precious, and I hope that we all can cherish the gift of it. And when someone says they're praying for you, believe in it!
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is Love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13
